I have retained
Oh, it feels good.
I can’t really
reestablish my equilibrium.
The feeling startles me but not in a bad way.I’m cerebral. Occasionally to a fault. I can say for certain that it’s been a help as well as a hindrance. Particularly in areas that don’t entirely depend on intellectual processing.
Like some of my theatrical ventures. And some of my past relationships.
My first girlfriend would occasionally say, “Throw caution to the wind, boy.” And that didn’t come from a reckless place. I wonder at her patience and that of many (if not all) of her successors. But I digress.
As both an actor and as a director, I’ve had the opportunity to interact with actors whose work has been less undercut by tendencies to overthink. I’m simultaneously frustrated by and envious of them.
And so, here I am now, overthinking this whole exercise – the project and its various processes. And as much as it is an end in and of itself, it also had a goal. To create. And, without going into half-formed thought shapes, I feel like its results to this point aren’t really what I had in mind.
It’s too early to come to conclusions, but the fact that I’ve been exploring other creative outlets (chiefly DMing D&D) and finding a real satisfaction in them has me a little bit surprised. And I’m wondering what’s next.
this poem without commentary
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You can learn about the impulse behind this project here.